Examples of Victim-Blaming Attitude:
“ She must have provoked him into being abusive. They both need to change. ”
” She must have been wearing inappropriate clothes. ”
” We told her to stop being out late, she never listened, she deserves it! “
Actuality: These statements pretend that the victim is uniform to rebuke for the abuse when in truth, abuse is a conscious choice made by the abuser. Abusers have a selection in how they react to their partner’s actions. Options besides abuse include: walking away, talking at the moment, respectfully explaining why an action is frustrating, breaking up, etc. Additionally, abuse is not about specific actions that encourage the abuser to hurt his partner, but rather about the abuser’s feelings of entitlement to do whatsoever he wants to his partner.
When friends and family remain disengaged about the abuse and say that both people need to change, they are conspiring with and supporting the abusive partner and making it less likely that the survivor will seek support.